May 03, 2006

mixed bag

some days the bear will eat you and some days you eat the bear. when you find that the people you count on for setting your bearings are all away at the same time - it becomes easy to drift away from areas you are supposed to be to areas where you feel more comfortable. People are people and getting them in short doses is fine, but when the long conversations go nowhere - it is time to find other people to spend the time with. Although people do not have to be people - london kept company all afternoon while i was cleaning the library.
Nervous energy goes to cleaning, especially when avoiding the prospects of getting something accomplished for real. But when you finally do address the undertaking and dive in, the work really is not bad at all - especially if it's what you enjoy doing. It's just that it takes a release of other endeavors to really dive in and do it well, and when there are other responsibilities to be addressed, you just can't go there, get the work finished and get back - but you also can't start something, not finish and ever get back to the same point. so you waffle, and avoid and put off things, hoping for a better time window and then eventually hope that one exists, but it never does. long term stabilized yesterday while short term disintegrated. a few more days like that and i'll be jello.
sometimes we just need to accept not understanding, but the more we rely on reason, the tougher it is to allow it. Truth exists, and always surfaces, but the path of percolation is unique unto the truth - the light sometimes never shines, but the participants know what happened. If we do not make a decision, indecision becomes the decision - it is still a choice.

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