March 04, 2012

History

i caught the wyte light when i landed on the shores of mikvah - landing back here after being there and losing perspective. As a light worker, i could feel my way through the dark, and at that time, all was dark. I had to get away and driving cross country led me back to the here that was still here. Paranoia set in, so my journals were stashed with a good friend and away i went.

i never quite figure howdt what hit me, but i developed the context of consciousness and met the cast of characters that would provide the backdrop for this particular learning experience. The back of the limo life, the riches that were still native, all over and just not seen, the swirl of the miasma that spoke the words that i could hear, health, research, water.

i went back to the old life and dissolved the picture in a way that depressed and diminished the old. i was scared and fearful and closed myself off into a narrow sliver of life where i could rotate about my personal center and sort things that were clearly not, from things that would be or could be. I grounded, set friends and worked on getting back sanity in the face of missing utility. I was angry, with myself more than others, and i was confused, because my information did not line up with my vibration.

things happen to people - the rest of us watch and learn. We become empathetic with the thought patterns and vibrate in conjunction with their experience, and step into a role in their pictures. i was too hurt to connect, except in that weird way that everybody becomes when they know that they are the only one in the room that knows something. there had to be more, the visions seemed real, but the context was jumbled - so i followed what others thought and i developed my own interests outside of the context of the group. slowly, the new and the old settled down into the living space that circulated about me in the last few years. trying to understand what happened - where was the disconnect - why didn't i have a place where i knew i was supposed to be.

i dealt with the way it was and listened and worked to bring it all together. my mind thought that the people in our group were caring and sharing our lives as we developed intentional community. i dissolved into the scribe role and built Existence - not because i knew what i was doing, but because i knew that we needed to develop a different form of media outlet and i wished to be in front of the game. Existence has more interactive feature for a 'read the stuff' site - and i worked hard to make the stuff readable for people who were into sustainability, which i thought was important (still do - but not in the thrive sense).

i began to notice things that just didn't set right. I would do what people asked, but in such a way that i only did what i agreed to do - no added value and no connection into the experiment that i was conducting with myself. I had to figure out me - especially after i started recognizing some of the forms that were in the vision quest visions. It was the huh? i've been here before feeling - that told me that maybe there was something more going on that i was getting closer to.

the summer that we grew the two sisters garden (no beans - another thyme story) - the squash needed ten days and the cows were coming home. I had to do physical labor to bring about two tons of pumpkins, corn, acorn squash and small crops in, while sorting where i had taken them from to fulfill the experimental data. Two jobs had to be done in the same time frame and i was only one person. And all the 'hired help', the friends who encouraged the work and assumed shared responsibility, were more interested in getting the grange going on sustainable agriculture than being in the field helping me harvest. They work to make money, but when the land was building the food, the focus was that food grew itself and the farmer did nothing. I learned more that season than i understood at the time, but i didn't grok the lesson until the changes came from watching the next set.

i was never a good people manager - i never think about bulk people - my concerns are for the individual. the social movement could be benefitted by a community gathering locale that supported each small farmer to grow common food. I never saw the personal buzz saw that i was walking into. My ego allowed others to talk me into running for election to a control position - the same ego that was shattered when all the work of the past 20 years went poof in a horror story that still bears explanation. we played the game thru, but i no longer had the reservoir of support gained through common work - my work was solo and taking notes and using the information to feed people's enthusiasm. The dark and the light were always there - i didn't have my filter up. they closed the game, changed the rules rather than allowing us to win.

i asked the universe to explain, we always get what we ask for. Never in the form that we expect. Things didn't work, so i went back to the drawing board. But others saw things through their own framework and i believed in them when they didn't believe in themselves. My confidence was broken and i started taking notes on the interpersonal interactions, because i didn't have the documentation, but i could sense that i was drifting away - i had seen something that my circle could not grok, or didn't wish to hear, or was afraid of. I have no fear - i realized when i had the vision quest, that my role was clear, necessary and protected. More visions came back and now certain things that happened, manifested their memory.

click, tick, bing, ping, hello there. where is it going - oh my - there are other sensitive people picking up the same discordant chords. connect and shift : but it is the same only different. It is not different, just a different interface. This is what Existence was supposed to look like, but not really so. Just different media. I look at how many iterations there are to go from here to there and knew - that this wasn't the path. It was another mirage - a way off the play to play with the weigh. I know the way, i have seen the rainbow courtroom and stood in judgment. It just hasn't happened in this temporal space.

at this point my recap of recent history is ready to come to a conclusion. i have been following clif high and half-past-human during this time and his prediction seem to pan out. i have been watching people and seeing them spin in a golden mean spiral that i was able to detach from, because my thoughts that do not conform get worked on and i think about things, so that when they come up, i already have a plan. It comes from playing blind chess type games. The old game is over - done - no longer there. The new game has not started - we are getting to the void. The void has ended other games before - it will end games in the future. It is the stop after the director says that's a wrap and the clapper comes down - the done and finished.

the next game is spacy - get ready for ascention. The galactic federation and ashtar command have blown through the shadows with light and their timeline path is one of many possibilities for self-fulfilling prophesy. This one, seems to address the proper parameters in a distinct way that can fit with my observations - the change - well, i look outside and the fog is all i see. all is white, as mr wyte said it would be when he introduced me to these concepts, shortly after i landed. Through it all, he still seems to know, whereas others make it up as they go. I have a vivid imagination, but i also know that the physics and math that we base our space and time upon is a shattered illusion and we have nothing real to take its place. The time has come to believe, and watch, and not to worry about anything, no matter how unreal it may seem.

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