Hypothesize a space of place where you are on your own to discover anew. A place that is different from where you have been. The climate is moderate cold and the snow reigns down into magic white puffs. Clouds come down over the mountainside and the world becomes white - with peaks of green and openings of blue. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see - I'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy because i'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low - any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter ... to me ...
Ah, remembering Freddy Mercury - the lead outrage in an awesomely outrageous rock group Queen. I just loved the Sheer Heart Attack album and the radio tune Killer Queen. In fact - we gotta here it, right now.
This was recorded in 1974 - nearly 40 years ago - back when i was just a high school lad. Back in the times when gays were queer and the closet was a walk-in. Looking back - the options were open, but the picture frame was placed askew and a warped reality resulted as the common point of view. Tolerance was enforced, not heart-felt. The segmentation of society was driven by the goal of separation, and the result has been achieved. Freddy is likely rolling in his grave.
The quest now is to find your own space. Know the ground under your feet and be the person that you always felt you should be. The game of doing things to impress other people to gain acceptance is gone - it was gone when Queen performed. Accept any lifestyle choice - but choose the one for you that fits the being that you are - not the image that someone else sees you to be. Then do it!
Let go of the illusion and watch how things change. The amount of embeddedness is proportional to your individual belief - how things work for you is a perception of your awareness, magnified by the thoughts of people that you surround yourself with. If you love them honestly and truly and they love you back - any storm can be weathered. The grasp of what you see for yourself, when ratcheted into your perspective, should allow a novel outcome that lands you in perfect functional order after the chaos evaporates.
The illusions is breaking down like a house of cards in a windstorm. Let go of attachments to the past and work to build new attachments to the world that you picture yourself living in today. If it needs adjustment - now is the time. Now is the only time.
Doc will be home for the holidays - then when we return, I will be home for the duration. I expect that keeping aware is the secret to gaining acumen - the currency of the future life will be love ever-present everywhere. Let go of the anger, the guilt and the pain - and simplify actions to just the things that are necessary, for now.
Namaste' ... doc