New Chemistry Discovery

A major research institute has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element ' Governmentium' has a single neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, for a total mAsshole size of 311.

These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which in turn are surrounded by vast quantities of electron type particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is totally inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

Governmentium is a true anti-catalyst. A tiny amount can cause a single reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would otherwise take less than ten seconds. Governmentium has a half-life of four years; it rots, but does not decay. When morphing, it undergoes a change where a portion of the assistant neutrons and the deputy neutrons switch places. In fact, Governmentium's mAssholes will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will allow more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quality is referred to as 'Critical Morass'. When catalyzed with money, Govenmentium becomes Administratium, a different element which radiates just as much ooze,as it has half as many peons and twice as many morons.

April Fools : Namaste' ... doc